*Come By The Sea*

It's hard to put into words.

It is a feeling that goes with a background of sandy shores, of low hills covered of sea grass battered by the wind. Blue-grey waves are rushing lazily. It is rather cold, and the wind is blowing from the ocean on my right cheek. Somewhere nearby, it is raining, and I can feel a few drops on my face.

It is a feeling that is both in my mind and in my body. I'm alone and I think of you. And suddenly I can feel you beside me. I can feel your warm hand holding mine. I can feel your body protecting mine from the wind blowing as you walk by, slightly in my back.

It is a feeling that has its own body, its own essence. It is the air between my jacket and my jumper. It will the chill up my spine. It is the tears I'm fighting against.

It is this feeling that a minute can destroy. How badly I want to look back to see if you're actually there. How badly I want to discretly turn my head, just a little bit, to get a glance of you. And inside I know that I musn't, because doing so will make it all stop.

I never feel so lonely than when I could swear you're with me. As if absence was crystallized into a draining presence, a black whole that pumps all my energy, all my joy. 

It is a feeling I mainly, if not only, feel when I back home in Brittany. Ireland is you, and you are Ireland. Being away from one or another makes me uncomfortable. I am not sure what that implies and maybe I'll regret saying that later. But I wrote it spontaneously and I know, deep inside, I know it is true and that I'm just pretending otherwise. When I'm away from Ireland, I feel homesick, I feel out of place and unwanted. When I'm away from you, I feel homesick, I feel out of place and unwanted. A passerby in my own motherland. A stranger on both shores.

Home is where the heart is, and you know where that is.