*Way To Go*

Just when you though there wouldn’t be more, right?

I find it hard to believe I haven’t written on this blog in nearly eight months. Where did all this time go? How did I not feel the need to write?

I’ve been down a few times since January. I’ve been hit by new experiences, challenges, disappointments, doubts. I’ve stumbled and wondered. By all in all 2012 is looking good, half of it has been quite nice on me.

Funny how my conviction that I was meant to write was solely based on writing being my outlet for pain and unease. I thought it was meant to be. I thought writing was all I’d ever do, my only way of expressing myself. The only way to shine, and to excel at something.

But turns out that as I got better and more confident, my need to write grew smaller and smaller. Now I seldom write, and spend more time doing nothing than creating. Sometimes, I feel bad about it. Most times, I’m just enjoying to not be doing much. Who knew working could be so tiring? So tiring so that your days off feel well spent when spent doing nothing. I should work on that.

Become more active, more creative and more positive, all these “tives” that give a sense to an existence. Surely if I keep just doing nothing with my free time, I will leave nothing worth remembering behind.

Memories are more worthy then possessions. But memories fade, and get lost. I need to make them immortal. To preserve them, distilled in formalin, jarred on endless rows of shelves. Words can do that. Words can preserve, and encapsulate, and convey. Like a legacy that I can carry with me, and leave behind when I’m gone, so that whoever comes next can dig in the past if they want to. And bring back glimpses of my life, shadows of laughter and echoes of passers-by.

I need to start writing again. I forgot how much I enjoyed it.

Also, I want to make an elephant out of paper mâché.

Comments

[briwie]

Wow. It took me 5 months to see this. And I smiled. Hope you'll write again. Or just spend your days doing nothing. Just do what feels right. :)