*At least, I Tried. Again.*

I always use words that are bigger than me, larger than my feelings, and that usually sound enormously exaggerated when I remind them. You manipulate words with caution, like fragile crystal figurines you better not move, not use, rather than risking breaking them in an inappropriate sentence. I use words as bombs, as explosions in the sky, fireworks of emotions that I want to see sparkling in your eyes the same way they loudly echo in me. But they end saying more than they should, or something different. That’s why I always feel like when you speak words out they are more meaningful than when I do so. And those few words you dropped in that puddle of drunk exasperation and misunderstanding, they turned me into that lost penguin in the desert.

‘Cause I’m a fucking emo and I will never be able to understand someone who is always happy and who is able to make the most of the day. How can someone like this, like you, even exist? I admire you so much, and that feeling that I’m just a weight on your shoulders is coming back. Why would you need an embodied nervous breakdown following you around? Been there done that. I thought I was flying high, free and careless. And maybe I was, but the fall was quick and the ground, damn hard. I’m a fucking emo and you’re a fucking weirdo. Perfect match?

There’re still so many things I don’t understand. But I won’t let myself hurt again. I refuse to be that weak. And I hate myself for knowing it’s all going to happen anyhow. I remember thinking, a few months ago, that it’s was much safer to only be a friend of yours. Too bad it’s not enough for me anymore. And again all this sounds like something I already heard, that stupid old love song, teenage heartbreak and that sentence: I give you my heart and the power to destroy it.

You need to know that when I’m down, you have to leave my there lying on the floor. Crawling in my feeling’s brambles. Getting ripped in pieces and bleeding my tears out. For when I’ll stand up again I’ll be renewed, brighter and ready to face the world and the others again. I don’t need you to understand, or to help. Being there by my side is enough.

May be I should start working on hiding my feelings and shutting my mouth. The world would only be easier for everyone. Even for me, perhaps.

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[Rakoun]

*sigh*

You sure know how to chose them

*wistful smile*