*Time Doesn't Stop. Thank God.*

250th post.

Here has been the scene of all my drama in all its wilderness and without any restraint. And it shall continue this way I suppose. Like a bucket of tears, better put them there than spilling them around. Better put all these emotions in letters, words and sentences and leave them here to rest. Let it scar, after a while it won't hurt anymore, even if you can still feel it.

It feels unfair, so unfair. That I'm not even angry. I just feel empty, and betrayed. Because I had expectations, and beliefs that turn out to be wrong. Bad timing, unlucky circumstances. And you choosing the worst time ever for wanting a night by yourself.

I can't believe you won't come over. I just cannot believe it. I wonder how we can a such different level. On two opposite planets on both sides of the sun. All I needed was to be with you, and I know I would have calmed down, I would have been better so quickly, a few minutes, an hour maybe. Now the bitterness is in me and won't leave again. Even when I'll get better after a night of sleep. Like the venom of a wasp, that stays in your blood for your whole life after it stung you. And when the next wasp stings, it adds up to what was there before. I don't have the power to put things aside and move on like you do. I suppose I should be grateful that you can. But you should be worried that I can't.

I walked in my house and heard voices and thought you were there. You weren't. Then for every person walking up the stairs I hoped it was you. It wasn't. I hope you will never have to feel that kind of disappointment. But on the another hand I hope you do. Still think you're missing something important here. Something that sounds like 'love doesn't come without pain'. Maybe it's just... "I might not be the right one, this might not be the right time". 

I feel like love should make people feel and act a certain way, and I'm not sure you're there yet. Maybe I'm wrong. Prove me I'm wrong.
 

I started bitting my nails again last Friday. Did you notice?

Comments

[Briwie]

Mouh.