*Broken Backlight*

After spending a month way up high, August is showing up and I'm not sure I wanna go through it. Actually, I want to, and I'm looking forward to lots of things, but I don't want it to end.

For the first ever, I'd like August to last forever. I know what I said earlier, that Dublin is what I want and what I deserve, and I still think that, but I'm scared terrified petrified. I don't want to deal with finding a new house, dealing with huge amounts of money, chose the modules with an ounce of a doubt, will I be good enough?

I felt so empty last night and I couldn't tell why. I'm like my computer, my backlight is broken and althought I'm still functional, I don't shine anymore. I feel like one of these piano notes you never use because they're too far up or too far down, and they remain cold as the melody plays without them. I feel like I'm out of tune.

You're right, I should decide to switch my mood in a happy mode, I should decide to not let myself fall in self-misery, I should decide to stand up. But right now I'm tired of being strong, I wanna be tiny and weak, I wanna be loved and protected, I want your arms around me and your breath in my neck. Do you think we'll ever have time to ourselves, like, really? With no appointment, no meeting, no job coming in the way? I want love songs and romances and time and stupid promises I usually despise.

I want something no one can give me. I want certainity.

I need to hear that you love me and that I'm gonna be alright. I know it already, I can feel it in so many different ways, but I wanna hear it again and again and build an armor with your voice, and weapons with your words.

And at every moment I'm affraid that you get tired of me, my weirdness and my too-much-ness.

Comments

[Rakoun]

Don't worry, you have certainties: that you'll never be alone and that your friends will always be there for you, for instance, or that you will always be crazy and melodramatic... :)

Also, we all know for certain that you'll succeed but hey, you're a pessimistic optimist, aren't you? ^^

[Kyou]

I definately know what it is like to be that afraid, but I can tell you everything goes well in the end. Actually, in the end it's hard to understand why you were afraid in the first place...

And for what it's worth, I love you :)